When You Feel Like You’re Drowning in Life

When life feels unbearable, especially during the holidays, Denise Jelinek contends that the answer isn’t trying harder.

I’m sitting at my desk when I read this email. I pause. My heart hurts for her.  

I want to share with you what I wrote back in case it’s helpful for you. 

A Woman Under Pressure

Dear Denise, 

I’m writing because I feel like I’m drowning in my own life and don’t know where to start. 

I’m in my late 40s with a young child, working full-time, and carrying a lot at home. My marriage feels stressful and unpredictable, and much of the responsibility falls on me because of my husband’s mental illness. There’s also ongoing financial pressure, which I try not to think about too much, but it’s always there. 

Most days feel like living in a pressure cooker. I’m in the habit of falling asleep with my daughter and then spending hours scrolling on my phone, which leaves me getting 4-5 hours of sleep a night. I’m exhausted and wake up already anxious. Food has become comfort — especially chocolate — just to take the edge off. Then I feel worse. 

Prayer matters deeply to me, but right now I don’t feel like I’m showing up the way I used to. I ask the Lord for help throughout the day, but I miss that quiet time with Him and I feel like I’m failing Him. 

I want to trust the Lord more through this season, but I just don’t know what to do. 

With gratitude, 
Janice (not her real name) 

What's the Answer When Someone Is Exhausted?

Dear Janice, 

Thank you so much for reaching out. I really appreciate your trust in sharing all of this. 

When I step back and look at your situation, what I see isn’t a lack of discipline or faith. What I see is a woman who is exhausted. And when someone is exhausted, we don’t overhaul their life — we triage. 

So we’re going to start with what’s foundational. 

Right now, what’s foundational for you is sleep. 

Your body needs recovery. When we can create that foundation of sleep, something really important happens: You can start responding to life instead of constantly reacting to it. We’re creating safety in your body so you’re not always living in survival mode. 

When we are in survival mode, that’s when food — especially sugar — starts doing a job for us. The chocolate isn’t the problem; it’s helping you get through life right now. It’s creating a sense of safety when your body doesn’t have much of it. 

So before we take on anything else, we have to get you sleeping more. That has to come first. Since your phone is a primary factor in preventing sleep, solving for that will improve sleep significantly. Consider charging your phone out of your bedroom or turning on screen-time limits (that turn off apps during a set time period). 

Once we start rebuilding sleep, then we can begin looking at what’s optional in your life — because this is a very full season. You’re working full-time, it’s the holidays, you’re caring for your daughter, and you’re trying to take care of yourself too. 

This is where I want you to gently start asking a different question — not what do I expect of myself, but what does the Lord actually expect of me? 

I can tell from your email that you have a real, close relationship with Him. So I want you to ask Him directly to reveal what He is asking of you in this season. I promise you this: The Lord never expects us to meet the demands of our lives while being strung out, overextended, and exhausted. That pressure comes from us — not from Him. 

One way to begin sorting this out is by asking two questions. 

First: Where has the Lord made me irreplaceable? 

You are irreplaceable to your daughter. 
You are irreplaceable to your husband. 
You are irreplaceable in providing for your family right now. 
And you are irreplaceable to yourself. 

Everything else is extra. 

Even things that feel important — travel, extended family plans, expectations around the holidays — those are optional. You are allowed to have a quiet, simple Christmas at home. 

I really want you to stretch your thinking here and ask with everything, how can I do this more simply? 

We’re not trying to fix everything. We’re asking: How can we help your life require less from you right now?  

So this is where we’ll start: 
We’ll start with sleep. 
We’ll identify what the Lord is asking of you versus what you’re expecting of yourself. 
And then we’ll look at how to simplify even those God-given responsibilities. 

It will be prayerful, and it may be challenging to say no to some things — but peace comes from alignment, not effort. 

I hope this helps you feel less alone and gives you a place to begin. 

With love, 
Denise  

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Copyright 2025 Denise Jelinek
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