Angry Mom Problems: Holy Perspective on Anger Issues

Are you an angry mommy? Learn how Erin McCole Cupp calls upon righteous anger to serve love, not sin. 

I have angry mom problems.  

Thankfully, I don’t have a problem with placing undue value on what I can only call “stupid anger.” For instance, when road rage surges through me, I am at least lucid enough to recognize that no number of curse words has ever improved another driver’s driving.  

Sometimes, anger is just pointless. On such occasions, anger has no power to make anything better, but it sure does have the power to make things worse. 

It’s my anger at things that do cause actual emotional and/or spiritual harm that causes me problems. Example? If I catch one of my kids in a lie, that anger rises up and stays up.  

The Wrath of Mom 

That anger stays up because I can’t convince myself that this anger is stupid. There’s literally everything right with wanting my kids to be honest.  

Alas, it’s a fallen world, so sin happens, and while I probably shouldn’t get those things that I don’t rightfully want — too much food, too much scrolling, too much spending — there shouldn’t be anything wrong with wanting good, holy things for myself and others. 

Often enough, though, in this sinful world, I don’t get the good things I want. 

Anger is on our list of deadly sins. That makes anger a grave sin, even when it’s anger at sin. Right? 

Maybe not.  

Anger’s Origins 

I grew up in an unsafe home where adult anger was the rule of law. People got me to give them what they wanted by scaring me with their anger. I was taught that angry adults get what they want. 

So I had this inherent, just, God-given desire to be treated like a beloved child of said God, but I’d been taught that, to get what I want, I needed to get angry about it. You can probably imagine how that went.  

I’m still learning and practicing techniques to manage my wrath, and I believe I’ve made respectable progress. Case in point: the ease with which I can let go of road rage. However, I still struggle with anger, probably in no small part due to having endured injustice and still not seeing that justice satisfied in any way that I can see.  

So if anger is a deadly sin, does that make it a sin to be angry about sin?  

Is anger always a problem?  

Saint Thomas Aquinas addresses the issue of righteous anger in the Summa Theologiae, Question 158, Article 1, aptly titled “Anger.” In this, he says:

If one is angry in accordance with right reason, one’s anger is deserving of praise. 

That said, Aquinas also quotes Saint Gregory the Great, who tells us:

We must beware lest, when we use anger as an instrument of virtue, it overrule the mind, and go before it as its mistress, instead of following reason’s train, ever ready, as its handmaid, to obey.  

So anger can be not a problem but a servant? How? 

The Good, the Bad, and the Angry 

Anger is the emotion that we feel when we want things to change. Anger is good when it moves us towards stopping sin, keeping in mind that we are to be angry enough about our own sins to change them long before we should point our anger towards anyone else’s sin (see Matthew 7:3-5).  

Anger is useful when it empowers us to scrape off whatever tarnish is covering up God’s image in this world. It’s harmful, however, when we try to use anger to change our ability to get away with sin.  

As I grow through my anger problems, I think I’m developing a better sense of balance. Five years ago, I either clammed up in the face of my loved one’s sins, because I didn’t want to hurt their feelings and I didn’t value my right to not be harmed, or I turned into a caricature of righteous but useless wrath.  

Today, I’m learning how to balance this powerful emotion. Yes, I work on my own eye planks and don’t use rage to get what I want, even when I want something good. Rather, just like God does when He’s angry at His children, I aim to express my anger as a request for change — a request that honors the free will of the person I’m asking to change.  

I might get what I want. Then again, I might not. I must harness anger to serve justice with requests to make my relationships better. Whether or not things get better, I still must direct my anger in such a way that it doesn’t make things worse.  

This perspective helps me let even my righteous anger express itself in peace so that I can accept that God, not I, will deliver the best justice. 

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Copyright 2025 Erin McCole Cupp
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