Dear Friend, Please Have a Messy House

Caroline Godin explores the beauty and comfort of seeing shared (good) chaos in others’ homes.

First Impressions 

First Impressions are so important, right? 

We’re having a party, and we need to clean our homes to allow space for food — not mail, crafts, toys, and leftover snacks — on the kitchen table. We need a place for people to sit without stepping on a LEGO in the living room or sitting on a beloved stuffy. It’s confusing when you reach for your drink because there are several other half-full — thinking positive here — glasses of water or juice left out. 

It’s logistics, right? 

We know it’s more than that. If someone’s coming to our home for the first time, we try to make it clean, neat, clear … and basically like we don’t have kids. 

Truth is, there’s beauty in life’s messiness. 

Best Impressions 

I’ve got two examples of why we shouldn’t sterilize our homes’ appearances. 

My daughter had a friend come over unexpectedly and the living room was, well, the living room. He took no more than a step in the door and expressed, “Wow, I love your house. It looks lived in.” 

I could’ve taken that a few ways, but instantly I thought it was at once the sweetest and more comforting thing to say. He seemed almost relieved that the house didn’t look like a museum with a no-touch room and perfectly clean floors and surfaces. It made me realize that other people live in their houses too, and life leaves traces … everywhere. 

Another time, I got to do the same. I went into a new neighbor’s house with my little one for a birthday party. It wasn’t a total mess — I’ve definitely got her beat there — but it was well lived in already. 

“Excuse the mess,” she says immediately. 

“I love it,” I told her. “Your house looks beautiful and full of life, real life.” 

Honestly, it always makes me feel better to see someone else’s messy house. It’s reassuring to know that we don’t live in pristine conditions. We have kids, jobs, animals ... and some of them are hard to tell apart. 

Life is Messy 

Why do we feel we need to hide our humanity? We clean for sanitary reasons and neaten up to make space and be accommodating, sure. But the Bible tells us to not judge by appearances (John 7:24 and Isaiah 11:3). 

When cleaning or getting ready for guests, I make sure I don’t overdo it. I’ve stopped trying to hide the toys and games. I actually get so many comments on how many games we have, and people get excited about the variety. Some of the things make for good conversation. I get things generally where they go and clean what I can, but if it’s only a few people coming over, I don’t need to go crazy. 

Life is messy, not just mine, but everyone’s. The sooner we embrace that, the sooner we worry less about first impressions of our perfect home and worry more about fellowship, honesty, and walking side-by-side with our neighbors in this messy life. When we put our values first, they will know us by our love (John 13:35). 

… And sometimes loving our neighbor is at least removing the LEGO from their path to the couch. 

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Copyright 2024 Caroline Godin
Images: Canva