Jesus Wants to Heal You from Overextending Yourself

Denise Jelinek shares strategies you can use to discern what commitments you should take on, before you take on too much.

Are you a woman who is ambitious and driven?

Has God given you many talents that you love sharing with the world?

If so, then you may be at risk for or are currently suffering from what I like to call Overextending Syndrome.

Overextending Syndrome is characterized by:

Extending one’s resources (particularly time and talents) to the point of exhaustion
Accepting opportunities or invitations, particularly to lead committees
Deciding to participate only because you have the skill, are passionate about the “cause,” or you don’t want to disappoint people
A misconception about how much of a toll this project/task will have on your current state of life

If this sounds like you, you may be suffering from Overextending Syndrome. This is a tongue-in-cheek phrase I use when I have unrealistic expectations of myself or want to take part in activities that would cause me to feel “overextended,” given the current demands of my life. You may often feel exhausted and overwhelmed, and you want to simplify your life, but you’re not sure how to do that.

Stay with me.

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Reversing Overextending Syndrome is possible with four steps.

Discern what works for YOU in this season of your life

Start by reflecting on what you’re involved with that…

lights up your heart and is enjoyable
creates a better version of yourself
brings more of God into the world

Have you considered that one way God could call you to “bring more of Him into the world” is to do less outside of your home so that you can say “yes” to learning how to take care of yourself or get support for a personal struggle?

So often we are busy mom-ing, wife-ing, working, volunteering, and daughter-ing that we don’t take the time to take care of the mom, the wife, the professional, the volunteer, or the daughter.

With so much on our plates, we’d all love a personal assistant. What if the most crucial thing in this season of your life is to learn how to be your own best personal assistant?

You could create systems to tend to your needs by planning, scheduling, meal prepping, or taking time to create and test other strategies to simplify your life.

You have many superpowers: intuitively knowing what is necessary; organization; problem solving; and creative skills. What if, for a season, you gave yourself permission to use those talents to improve your home and personal life?

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Discern with Clarity

There are a few things to keep in mind as you discern your activities. Ask yourself two questions:

What does God want for me now?
What has God uniquely created me for, where I am irreplaceable in this season of my life?

You’re not obligated to say “yes” just because you are good at something, are the best person to do it, have done it for years, or because others expect you to say “yes.”

Say “no” to anything you don’t want to do, anything that stresses you out, or anything that creates more chaos in your life.

For example, I may have the talents to lead a school committee, but God may need me to let someone else lead (to let that person grow) so I can use my talents in service of another area of God’s kingdom.

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Tools to Reply

Let’s be real: saying “yes” is so much easier in the moment than saying “no” and risking disappointing others. When we say “yes,” we get a little dopamine hit and the other person is often pleased.

But saying “yes” right away does not allow you the time to discern. Instead, consider saying, “I’ll get back to you” to buy yourself time to pray with the Lord.

If you discern that now is not the right time (but you really want to be involved), say “I would love to help, but it doesn’t work for me right now. Please call me [next year, in the fall, future date] and I can help then.”

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Expect to feel uncomfortable

Reversing Overextending Syndrome is a simple, yet uncomfortable process of healing. You may have disappointed others or missed out on opportunities, but this is part of the healing.

Women who suffer from Overextending Syndrome are making their lives heavier and harder than they need to be. If that’s you, it’s not your fault. No one has ever taught you a different way.

Ask God in prayer where He wants you to simplify your life so He can heal you and bring you back to balance and peace. He is so faithful and will show you the way.

Trust that God would not give you your family, your profession and all the other aspects of your life if it required you to live in chaos, overwhelm, and exhaustion.

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