Moments That Led to Trust

Betty Vertin describes moments of prayer and parenting that emphasize our deep need to trust in God.

I've had these little, almost imperceptible moments. Moments that I would take in, understanding they were valuable, and hold them.

These moments have been lessons in trust. Yet, there is an underlying sadness in my life. My boys’ diagnosis of Duchenne Muscular Dystrophy makes me sad. It's not what any parent would want for their child. But, except for a few difficult seasons, my family does its best to find the silver linings, live in the moment, and find joy in our journey. Life is precious and short, and we will soak it up.

Prayer, quiet contemplation, and adoration have become part of my formula to live this way. It's often in the quiet that either these moments come to me, or I have time to take them out and think about them.

I was very emotional one morning. Although my sons are doing well considering their diagnosis, they have seasons of intense suffering. As I watched one of my sons suffer, I hurt with him. I was in the church praying and meditating on the glorious mysteries.

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I was thinking about Jesus' Mother. She had watched her Son die slowly and painfully when he was crucified. She was there. So, I can only imagine that the Resurrection was a miracle to her, as it is to all of us. She could see her Son again. She did see her Son again! I wonder how her heart must have been so happy at seeing Him.

Then the Ascension, and He was gone again. Of course, she knew he would go to His Father. But, as a woman and mother, did it hurt to watch Him go again? To get Him back and then say goodbye again. I know she knew and believed she would see Him again, and she did, but I wonder how she must have yearned to see Him all the rest of her years on Earth.

I had never thought about any of this before. I felt like Jesus was pointing me to His Mother and needed me to learn from her. But I was still determining what He wanted.

Another moment came again as I stopped at the church to pray. I looked up from my prayer. I was sitting next to a wall about ten rows behind a statue of Jesus falling under the weight of His cross. I looked into the face of Jesus, and my heart immediately felt a pang of sorrow.

I was so sorry for His suffering. But He seemed to tell me that love is worth all the pain in the world.

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These moments and thoughts have stayed with me as I took our boys to the neuromuscular clinic. So many things were happening that day in the clinic, and we started very early. My oldest was tired and stressed during a conversation. He was hiding behind his mask and pretending not to listen.

My sons endure strong and harsh medications to help them manage their disease. It is so strong that it suppresses some things the body should do independently. We manage those things through more medicine. We were talking about a change in medication, and my son needed to have a say. The doctor looked at him and asked if he would rather do option A or B. My son said, "whatever my mom thinks is best."

I'm crying now. My child’s absolute trust in me to make important, life-changing decisions for him is one of the purest, most overwhelming feelings of love I have ever felt.

That piece of my motherhood, the Duchenne mom piece that I never expected, is something I take very seriously. I study, take the doctor's knowledge and experience, my knowledge and experience, the expertise and experience of other parents, my sons needs and desires, guidance through prayer, and put that all together with my husband, and we make the best decisions possible with the information available.

But still, I can’t believe someone trusts me so deeply and naturally. That he knows I would never do anything to harm him and that every decision is made to help him.

Trust is not natural to me. Early life experiences took that away. As a result, I am independent and feel in control and safe if I do it alone. Except, that is not how or why we were made. I'm so thankful for the people God put in my life that make trusting easier, but my first tendency is still to do it on my own.

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My child’s absolute trust in me to make important, life-changing decisions for him is one of the purest, most overwhelming feelings of love I have ever felt. #CatholicMom

That's what I have learned through those few yet meaningful moments. Jesus wants me to trust Him. Jesus wants my trust like He had Mary's. Jesus wants my trust like I have my sons'. Like Him, I love my children more than words can describe; I love them fiercely. Jesus is love. He wants my absolute trust that just as I do for my children, He is doing for me, only, of course, He does it perfectly.